I ruined my daughter's hair.
A couple of weeks ago I saw a "gentle, kid-friendly, no lye" hair relaxer at Wal-Mart. I never thought I would be tempted to relax Ruby's hair, but lately I have been having a real battle with her curls. She can't hold her head up, so the back of hair is always matted. It is pretty tough to balance her head between my knees to part her hair while she arches and hollers. She HATES it when I try to do anything to her hair. She screams when I try to comb through it, she screams when I braid it and she screams when I put it in pig tails. The last couple of times I have tried to do her hair I have ended up in tears because I have been so frustrated. Ruby starts school in a few weeks and I have no idea how I can do her hair before she gets on the bus at 8am. So, needless to say, I was tempted to try the relaxer. I had dreams of being able to comb through calm curls with no tears from either of us...
Saturday, I caved. I bought the relaxer, telling myself this would make the whole hair ordeal easier. I really thought it would just gently detangle and relax her hair a little. I was wrong. When I rinsed the relaxer out of her hair, I realized I had made a big mistake. Her hair was dried out like straw and it stuck out all over. It was fairly straight with a few weird kinks left in it...I bawled. I french braided it to make it look better, but the fly aways stuck straight out of her head, making her look crazy; I bawled again.
I went to bed Saturday night feeling like a failure. It was always important to me to keep Ruby's hair nice and now I had ruined it! So much for that book I read a few years ago about how to treat her hair properly.
Sunday night I decided to buck up and try to make the best out of her new hairdo. I washed it really well, conditioned it like crazy and then geared up to braid her whole head. Even though she hollered, screamed and complained, I parted it and put it in many little ponytails. Just as I was starting to braid the ponies, I realized most of the rubberbands had snapped so I had to redo them. Finally, an hour and a half later, I had completed her braids. By that time, Ruby had eaten several teaspoons of peanut butter (it keeps her occupied and calm), bitten through a pacifier and was completely exhausted from fighting me and crying. I was frustrated that I couldn't do my own daughter's hair, Mark's arms were tired from holding Ruby the whole time and we didn't get any therapy in...but the hair was done and it was cute.
That night at 1am, Ruby woke up screaming. Finally, I realized the braids were hurting her head, so I had to cut the rubber bands out of her hair. This left her with loose braids the looked horrible by morning..frustrating after a night of working on her hair.
So today, in desperation, I got her hair chopped. I decided to start fresh. I felt like it was my only option, but now she looks like a boy, she really does. Mark keeps calling her Robbie--not funny. Right after the haircut I went to the store and bought a few headbands with big flowers on them...maybe that will distract people from her hair until the curl comes back in :(
I feel so bad that I didn't do Ruby's hair justice. I know it is just hair, I know it will grow back and I know I have bigger things to worry about (like seizures and wheelchairs) but for some reason I have lost more sleep and shed more tears about her hair than about anything else in the last two months. Maybe it is wild pregnancy hormones, maybe it goes deeper...
I know her hair will eventually grow back, but while we wait, does anyone have any cute, girlie hats I can borrow? :)
9 comments:
She is precious no matter how her hair looks. Her curls will come back. Love you, Mom
Someday you will laugh! I promise! She will look like a girl in no time! just slap on the headbands and she is good to go :) hugs
Don't be so hard on yourself. Marissa is the same - the 1" length she actually has in the back is constantly matted. She's had her head shaved so many times for surgery that her hair has never had a chance to grow out and truthfully, I'm thankful for that (the lack of growth, not the surgeries). She, too, hates my even touching he head so I can't imagine what I'd do if I actually had to DO her hair.
Oh Kelli, don't beat yourself up! You have a lot on your plate and it WILL grow back. Personally, I LOVE the teeny weeny little afro look on girls. If Bereket loved it too, I would gladly chop her hair off. LOVE tight little curls against a scalp w/ a headband. Alas, she wants to keep growing it longer and longer.
For future reference, if you get the proclaim rubber bands from Sally's, they won't break. Also, I'd forgo the band at the scalp, and just braid.
Ruby is adorable no matter what.
I feel your pain and Abe is a boy. He has such great hair, amazing curls and it is so hard to keep up. He closes his eyes so tight any time I go near it, I'm afraid it will induce a seizure.
He has an awful bald spot on the back of his head too. We keep working but it is hard.
So I get how you are feeling. We like as much typical as we can get right????! Hang in there. It will grow back and be beautiful as ever.
EVERY mom has to ruin her child's hair at least once, so just consider it initiation. We've all done it. I personally love short short hair on little girls.
Oh!! I JUST did the same thing with Kia's hair!!! With all that is going on in our life I had neglected Kia's hair for way to long. I really struggle with her hair to start with, and Kia hates me to do it. I LOVE the way her big afro looked, but it was SO MUCH work. Anyways... it got all matted together and I ended up cutting it down to about 1 inch, and while she looks a bit like a boy in pink, I LOVE how easy it is. And kia likes that I don't have to brush it :)
You don't know me so I feel bad laughing when reading your post:) We go to church with Paul and Jill and I follow your bog. We have had our daughter from Haiti home for almost a year. She has special needs and lets just say getting her hair done is not one of her favorite activities. So I don't laugh at you but with you because I have come to the realization that either you laugh or cry-although many times it is both. You are NOT alone in this struggle.
I have 3 daughters with straight, thin hair and I can't do that either and then when Djoulissa came along I was more worried about her hair than her possible seizures, g-tube, club feet....I even had a stranger at a store come up to me and tell me that she braids hair for people. After leaving the store I called my sister and asked if I should be offended:) she said 'yes!' :)
I can honestly say I would not cry if something would 'happen' to her hair and we had to go short:) It takes at least 3 1/2 hours to do any style in her hair with her screaming, fighting ...you know.
If only the hair was the biggest hurtle we are going to have with our special children. You are called to love her and whatever happens to the hair...happens:) Thank God for Grace. Here is a good website on hair ideas from another adoptive mom (she has kids that sit still but she still has some good advice)
happygirlhair.com
If you ever want to compare 'bad mommy stories' just send me an e-mail:)
Hang in there!
Mae
meyers@alliancecom.net
I love your honesty. I pray that God continue to give you strength! Ruby has an amazing mom!
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