Sunday morning, as part of his message, our pastor showed a beautiful picture of his granddaughter up on the screen. She is adopted from Ethiopia and her huge smile and gorgeous brown eyes would melt your heart. Mark and I both lost it when we saw that picture. We cried quietly together, in the middle of a church service.
I had no idea grief would hit me that morning, but the picture of this gorgeous, happy, little girl from Ethiopia reminded me of dreams I had for Ruby and for my future family.
Sometimes--every once in a while--I wish things were different. I wish my daughter could tell me she loves me. I wish I didn't have to have a special vehicle to transport her around. I wish she could run in the park with her brother and sister. I wish I didn't have to worry about how I am going to lift her if she gets a lot heavier. These wishes cloud my thoughts--every once in a while.
Even so, God is faithful and I know He will continue to give me the strength and peace I need for each day.
And, at the end of the day, I still get to cuddle with my beautiful four year old whose huge smile and gorgeous brown eyes melt my heart. She makes this all worth it and I am truly thankful God trusted me to take care of her this side of heaven, even if it hurts sometimes.
6 comments:
Beautiful. Thank you for your honesty. Weird isn't it how you can be doing so well and then something hits you. You are not alone in this journey.
I love your honesty and I think that many other adoptive parents whose adoption journey didn't turn out as planned would be encouraged by this post. Would you be willing to let us feature it on "We Are Grafted In"? It's a Christian website that seeks to encourage adoptive families and those involved in orphan care. (www.wearegraftedin.com)
I would just need a brief biography and a picture to use when it is featured so we can direct our readers back to your blog.
Just let me know!
Stephanie
smurphy28 @ juno . com
co-administrator of WAGI
P.S. I'm a friend of Deb Gritter. :) (In Bible study with her parents.)
I, too, wish all those things, probably more often than you do. Just when I think that I have accepted all things, doubts creep in and I have to have my time of mourning all over again. But, in the end, God remains faithful. He lifts my burdens, dries my tears, and gives me hope for the future, just as He does for you. I love you all so very much.....Mom TH
Kelli, I totally do that too, It's funny when it hits. When we're at home it's just so normal to be who we are but when I meet other people and they have a four year old who is potty trained, talking up a storm, going to a regular school, etc. then I realize and sometimes I get sad. But just like you I know God blessed me with Esias! Sometimes I feel sad that he won't go through that stage where kids say the funniest things.
Thanks for sharing your heart. Posts like these (and your blog in general) has been a good reminder for me have a humble heart...to listen more than talk...to pray for people on journeys like yours.
Sweet post. I came across your post on the Grafted In site... and I can so relate to these moments of grief. Ruby is gorgeous and I can tell, so very loved! I'm sure her life has changed your family like our daughter has changed us.
Our Abby is 9 yrs old and has many special needs. As I sit here with my bum shoulder throbbing, I just wanted to reach out and say that I'm with you sister! The lifting, the wheel chairs, the seizures, the feeding tubes... some times it all just feels very heavy.
But most days, I'm thankful for this wonderful life, complete with it's very unique challenges. We don't take the small things for granted.
Thanks for sharing!
Patty
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