Once in awhile though, fear, frustration and anxiety about the future slip in and rear their ugly heads. Today was one of those days.
Ruby started off the morning with a seizure. Yuck. You all know how I feel about seizures; I HATE them. When they happen, my poor baby's body is being tortured and I get a front row seat. We used to be able to protect Tabatha and Charlie from seeing these, but this morning they were both fully aware of what was happening. As soon as it was done, Charlie asked, "Is it better? Are you better, Ruby?" So sweet, but a four year old shouldn't have to witness this.
A few hours later, Ruby vomited her whole feeding. She is tube fed because she doesn't handle liquid well. You can imagine what a whole bottle does to her system when it comes back up. She was panicked and she couldn't swallow or breath. We ripped her out of her chair and Mark started pounding on her back while I tried to suction her out with a bulb syringe. I thought I was going to have to call 911. Thankfully, soon she started crying. It was such a sad cry, but at least the crying meant she was breathing again. Aspiration is such a real threat to Ruby; today just reminded me of that reality.
The rest of the day she was tired, but okay. Mark stayed home from the Pumpkin Festival parade to sit with Ruby. It's frustrating when our family has to split up; I would love to always do those fun family things together.
Today the frustrations of our reality set in. Like grief, it kind of hits when you least expect it. It's good to vent, pray, cry, be quiet and then move forward again.
God is still faithful; God is still good. God is still in control.
We continue to pray God will give us the feet to walk the path He has in store for us.
6 comments:
Poor baby. :( Poor mommy. That is a bad day. Chin up. Like you said, God is good. Peace.
So sorry for such a hard day. Praying for strength and peace. Hope Ruby is feeling better too.
We love you guys and will be more intentional in our prayers for you all.
praying for your family! our daughter has a similar epilepsy diagnosis, and i can relate to your feelings about seizures and about just wanting your family to be able to do things together. it is so hard some days to see the bigger picture...praying that God sustains you during those tough days!
(((HUGS))) Sorry for the rough day Kelli! I think of your family often.
Hey there. Strength to you. How can I say it differently other than your feelings are so familiar to me? Lamentations 3: 19-23... this will not consume you and this is not how your story ends. Peace and joy, friend. spot
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