Trust

My heart is disappointed this afternoon. Ruby had her EEG this morning, and the nurse from our neurologist's office just called to tell us that the on call doctor read the EEG. He still sees definite seizure patterns; he even saw 3-4 "spasm" patterns while she was taking the EEG. This means she is having little seizures and I am not even seeing them. I am so discouraged because we had such a good week with her. I really thought the EEG was going to be much better. Our doctor is on vacation, so the on call doc didn't compare all three of Ruby's EEGs, he just read the most recent one. So, I guess this one could be a little better than the last two, but unfortunately, seizures are still happening. The nurse did say that it is encouraging Ruby is making developmental gains, but that we are not out of the woods yet. Our doctor gets back on Monday and the nurse was going to talk to him to find out what the next step will be. She said he would probably "get creative" with meds, since Ruby is already on the highest dosage of two of the meds she is on. I am guessing steroids will be a part of the next round of treatment, but we will see.

I am tired of meds, doctors, EEGs, MRIs, seizures and therapy... yet I know this is what my baby needs to heal and I know we are probably just at the beginning of most of this. I long to have our Ruby healthy and I feel so bad that she has to go through all of this. Sometimes I struggle with fact that if Ruby had been in our arms sooner, maybe a lot of this could have been prevented; other days I am so thankful that God allowed us to take her home when we did because I really believe she would not have survived if she had stayed where she was. Wow- what a roller coaster of emotions.

Even though I have some anger and grief, I keep coming back to this verse from Proverbs that gives me hope:

"Trust in the Lord, with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight"

As much as I don't understand what God is doing, I know He is in control. It is so hard to trust Him in tough times, yet I find myself having no where else to turn and then it is a blessing that I do have Him to hold on to.

Thanks for your prayers; some days it is hard for me to pray so it is a blessing to know there are people out there saying prayers for us and for Ruby. We continue to covet those prayers.