Seeking God

Ahhh, a quiet moment! Charlie is at three school, Ruby is at school and Tabatha is napping. I am drinking coffee and reading, what a joy! It has been way to long since I did this. It is amazing how a peaceful hour can really turn my perspective around.

I woke up feeling drained. It has a been a long month with my children. Tabatha cut four molars and had a cold and ear infection, Ruby has a cold (which she doesn't handle well) and now Charlie has a sinus infection and double ear infection. Yuck! This all results in crabby kids, less sleep and more behavior problems. I have been feeling frustrated and crabby as a result.  Several times in this last month I have asked myself, "Am I losing control of my children?" "Do I have any idea what I am doing?"  Anyone else ever felt like this?

In church the past couple of weeks we have been encouraged to strive to have a more intimate, personal relationship with Christ. Our pastors have pushed us to see Jesus as a mentor, someone who is continually shaping us and directing our lives.

I have not spent enough time in God's word lately, but this morning I used the reading suggestions in our church bulletin and read Psalm 32.  Verse 7 and 8 really hit me. David describes God as His hiding place and then God says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you."

Why does it always take me so long to go to God when I am feeling tired? Why do I always try to do things on my own? God promises to protect me and "surround me with songs of deliverance"! He says He will counsel me and give me wisdom and strength.  I NEED his wisdom and strength. I CANNOT do this alone. Sorry, Father, for the times I try to push you out of the driver's seat.

I want God directing my life.

Abba, give me the feet to walk the path you have for me and humility to turn to you when I don't feel like I have the strength to take the next step.

Quiet time with God has a way of putting life into perspective; I need to do this more often.

Ruby's Therapy Buddy

There are days I have thought about giving my first baby, Tiger, another home, but then he snuggles up next to Ruby every afternoon while she has therapy and it's hard for me not to love him.

Every Once In Awhile

For some reason, this week has been a little tough for me. Usually I feel very at peace with how Ruby is, but once in a while old dreams crop up and the "what ifs..." creep in.

Sunday morning, as part of his message, our pastor showed a beautiful picture of his granddaughter up on the screen. She is adopted from Ethiopia and her huge smile and gorgeous brown eyes would melt your heart.  Mark and I both lost it when we saw that picture. We cried quietly together, in the middle of a church service.

I had no idea grief would hit me that morning, but the picture of this gorgeous, happy, little girl from Ethiopia reminded me of dreams I had for Ruby and for my future family.

Sometimes--every once in a while--I wish things were different.  I wish my daughter could tell me she loves me. I wish I didn't have to have a special vehicle to transport her around. I wish she could run in the park with her brother and sister.  I wish I didn't have to worry about how I am going to lift her if she gets a lot heavier. These wishes cloud my thoughts--every once in a while.

Even so, God is faithful and I know He will continue to give me the strength and peace I need for each day.  

And, at the end of the day, I still get to cuddle with my beautiful four year old whose huge smile and gorgeous brown eyes melt my heart. She makes this all worth it and I am truly thankful God trusted me to take care of her this side of heaven, even if it hurts sometimes.  

Access Insurance

I am going to take a minute to brag about my wonderful husband, Mark. He sells insurance (car, home, life...) and he is great at his job! Just recently his agency opened up a new office in the Holland/Zeeland area and he is running this office.  I am so proud of the work he has done to make this happen! It will be very nice to have him closer to home (before he was working out of the Kentwood office).

The agency is having a Grand Opening/Open House this coming Tuesday (Sept. 18) from 11:30-5:30.  JQ99 will be broadcasting live at his office from 12-3. There will be food, drinks and great giveaways. They are even giving away Lions vs. Vikings tickets as the grand prize!

So, stop by and see him! Stop by if you are curious to see what the inside of his new office looks like, stop by if you are hungry, stop by if you want to win great prizes, stop by if you have insurance questions, stop by to say hi to us, stop by to get an insurance quote...you get the idea-- Just stop by!!

The new office is located at 11595 Lakewood Blvd, Holland, MI (in the business development by Salt 'n Pepper restaurant, directly behind Eastern Floral).

You can also check them out on facebook.

A Tabatha Post

Tabers, Tabby, Tabatha....my crazy girl.  

I LOVE this little sweetheart.  She is fun, persistent, lovable, driven, giggly, and busy, busy, busy!

Here are a few recent pictures of what Tabatha has been up to lately....

She is into EVERYTHING. Today I was trying to get out of the house and it took forever because she got into the toilet and then she found the crisco in the kitchen and decided to rub it all over...

She loves to find stuff in the bathroom cupboards. She wants to wear whatever she finds :) I love the headbands, although when I want her to wear them she won't keep them on. 

 I promise I didn't let her eat conditioner for too long, 

just long enough to grab my phone to take a few pictures.

She loves her Daddy. 

She wants to be just like her big brother. Whatever he is doing she wants to be doing it too (hence the firemen's hat). She is teaching him about sharing and how to have patience, lots of patience.

Did I mention she loves her Dad?

More hair accessories

She is also a big fan of shoes, no matter how big they are for her. 

She thinks shoes are her ticket to getting outside.

Dolls are a big hit lately.  

(If you are wondering about the slicked hair, just know I am not trying a new "do". Most of what Tabby eats magically ends up in her hair so she gets a full washcloth bath after most meals.)

Love you Tabatha! So glad God blessed us by putting you in our lives.

Tough Questions

Whenever we are out with Ruby, people give our family a second look. They aren't being rude; I think they are just curious to know about her story. Sometimes I think people that I have just met avoid asking me about Ruby because they don't want to be rude.  I don't think asking about her is rude at all, in fact, ignoring her or the situation might be more rude.  I don't mind talking about her; in fact, I welcome questions, especially if they are phrased in a gracious, compassionate way.

Usually, adults will just give us a sympathetic smile and nod, but kids are not quite as subtle. I have had several kids this summer come right up to me and say, "What is wrong with her?" Even though I know kids mean nothing by this question, and I like sharing our story, it still stings a little every time and I am always at a loss for words as how to answer this question when I am talking to a child.

Several different responses have gone through my mind...

....she was born this way...
....she has an ouwie (sp?) on her brain...
....God has a special plan for her...
...her legs don't work...
...she likes to be pushed around in this chair...
...she can't walk and run like you, but she loves to giggle when you tickle her...

They all seem like cheesy answers, yet they have to be simple enough for a child to understand. Although these bold questions from kids are not always easy to answer, I do love how most kids respond.  Usually after they hear my response they shrug their shoulders and go on to touch her face, talk to her or tickle her arms. Kid are less inhibited by her special needs then some adults.  Just last night several neighborhood kids were fighting over who got to push Ruby around the cul-de-sac in her wheelchair; this acceptance warms my heart.

I'm not sure how to wrap these thoughts up tonight...

I love to talk about Ruby and I hope her story will touch others and give glory to God.  Please don't be afraid to ask me about her.

Even so, sometimes I am sad that my daughter needs explaining.

Zeeland Christian

School started this week! I teach K-2 music at Zeeland Christian two days a week. This is my third year in this position and I really love it. It allows me to feel like a professional for a couple days and it gives us money to help with therapy and care for Ruby. Emily watches Charlie and Tabatha while I teach and Ruby is at school. She does fun things with them and they love being with her so it is a good set up for all of us. I think I am a better mom when I can step away twice a week.

God's timing is good. This job opened up right when I was going crazy being at home with Ruby and Charlie. Don't get me wrong; I LOVE my children, but Ruby was not a content baby. Between her seizures, meds and therapies and Charlie's surgery and hospital stays, I was losing it.  This job gave me an out and allowed me to step outside of my situation a couple times a week. It was therapeutic for me.

Zeeland Christian is an incredible place to work and I am so glad that Charlie will be going to
three-school here this year! He starts the week of Sept. 10 and he is so excited. Crazy that my little man is old enough for school already, but I am happy he is so excited about going.