As she grows, her special needs are becoming even more apparent. I don't mean she is getting worse, I just mean she is harder to handle now that she is tall and almost thirty pounds. It is a lot easier to handle a 14 month old without head control then a four year old. For a long time we could get by with strollers, swings and bouncy seats that would work for her but now that she is growing it is hard to know where to put her besides the floor and her wheelchair. Baby stuff is cheap, but special needs equipment (chairs, strollers, swings) are really big and expensive.
Ruby is not always content and I don't blame her after all she has gone through, but it is tough to know how to calm her sometimes. Her pacifier does the trick usually, but it is hard for me to think my almost four year old still needs a pacifier all the time...how long will she need this? Will I have an eleven year old taking her pipe to school? Her indoor swing also calms her, but again she is slowly outgrowing this. She LOVES to be cuddled, which I really love, but she is getting so big; how long will I be able to cuddle her on my lap? She also LOVES to lay in the bathtub, but I won't be able to lift her out of the tub forever.
I have a lot of questions in my mind this week about the future. Will I ever be able to go out with all of my kids by myself? Will we ever be able to go to the beach together, or go camping? Will Ruby ever be able to play with a toy by herself? Will she be content without a pacifier so we can be in public and not have to worry about screams? Will my other kids understand? Will they be resentful of our circumstances?
It is not wise to worry about the future, especially because I know God's holds our future in His hands. I usually do pretty well with taking one day at a time, but once in a while my mind gets the best of me.
5 comments:
B-days are hard. Praying you continue to find shelter under the shadow of His wings! The Doornbos Family
it is so hard to know what to do... to feel like i fit in and do 'normal' things with my family. that alone often gets me down. sometimes alaina will tell me, 'mom it will be so awesome when i get to heaven because i will be able to run and do backflips!' oh sweet girl it will be awesome! i just found a blog called (gavinowens.com) the couple has adopted two special needs children after their sons death. she does amazing things for the two of them and it reminds me i can do this... i just have to change my attitude!
Praying for you Kelly. I find myself stuck in these thoughts a lot lately. Marissa is rapidly outgrowing everything that used to bring her comfort. When she has bad days, she is becoming impossible to handle because she is bigger and stronger. I worry a lot about the future, too.
I would be worried about all those things as well. It's too bad she has to get bigger since all those things she loves to do are easier if she is smaller. I'm praying for you also.
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